Lullaby, and Good Night, you shouldn't eat egg whites

It never fails. Even though I've learned to watch the kids closely for food reactions and document their reactions so I don't forget, as soon as I get 2-3 weeks out from an adverse reaction, I start to doubt what I observed. I start thinking, "Maybe it was a coincidence. Food can't do that. Maybe I made a mountain out of a molehill and the symptoms weren't as bad as I thought. Maybe I imagined it all." But then I reintroduce the food, the symptoms return, and I develop renewed faith in my observational abilities. 

Most recently this happened when I fed the Hobbit some egg whites. I had introduced egg whites to the hobbit about 1 week into our GAPS intro diet (she was already eating the yolks reaction-free). The next day she woke up before 5 and screamed until it was time to get up even though I was there trying to comfort her the entire time. Her naps were also destroyed, running anywhere from 30-45 minutes. After removing the egg white from her diet and giving them a couple of days to get out of her system, she went back to sleeping until about 6:30 and taking an adequate nap. I had noticed a similar disrupted sleep pattern in both kids a couple of weeks before when I had tried giving them peanut butter, and was all too familiar with the potential for food to disrupt sleep due to Grendel waking up daily at 4 am for 3 years until we removed gluten from her diet and she started sleeping in until 6. 

Last week I decided since the Hobbit had been egg white free for a few weeks, and since we had all been undergoing extreme gut healing during this time (more on that later), that it was the perfect time to try an egg white diet challenge. Grendel had been asking for weeks when they could finally have GAPS pancakes. I had been putting it off since one of the ingredients was eggs. But I figured the Hobbit might be able to handle egg whites and that making omelettes or scrambled eggs might ease my cooking load a bit. I set out over the next few days to feed us all pancakes, omelettes, scrambled eggs, and eggs cooked into the middle of stuffed peppers. At first she didn't seem to react. Then again, for the first couple of days she would eat the other foods on her plate and would leave the eggs untouched. Around the third day she finally got extra excited about eggs and ate way too many, and the next morning she woke up at 4:30 screaming. That afternoon she took a 30 minute nap. She continued with this sleep pattern the rest of the week. She was constantly tired and cranky. I was tired and cranky as I was only getting 4-5 hours of sleep since I was staying up late to cook after getting the kids into bed. Grendel was tired, cranky, and somewhat monstrous since she was being woken up each morning by a very loud and very angry toddler. 

Finally, after a few days, the eggs were out of the Hobbit's system and she started sleeping until 6. She started taking 1.5 hour naps. Grendel started sleeping enough again because she wasn't being woken rudely and prematurely. I started sleeping more since I wasn't dealing with two cranky kids. Needless to say, this is a much happier household this week and I plan to wait a very long time before reintroducing egg whites.  

Oops I Did It Again: The Flu Take 2

Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Maybe I'm a Bear of Very Little Brain. Maybe I just needed more material to fill my blog. Whatever the reason, I decided to try the sprinkle-the-probiotic-directly-on-your-tongue experiment again last night. (Okay, it's none of those reasons. It's because the intense die-off reaction that I experienced last week was an indicator that I do, indeed, have an imbalance of flora in my upper GI tract, and that I do need to work at correcting that imbalance.) 

I was much more conservative in my approach, however. Instead of sprinkling approximately 10 billion microbes onto my tongue, I only used about 1-2 billion. That may seem like a huge number, but I swallow between 40 and 60 billion microbes from commercial probiotic supplements daily, and I consume water kefir, Kombucha, sauerkraut juice, and another raw probiotic juice tonic from a local sauerkraut maker. So 1-2 billion microbes should be next to nothing. It sure doesn't feel like next to nothing. 

I brushed my teeth for bed and then sprinkled the probiotic on my tongue so it would inoculate my mouth, nasal passages, and esophagus without having to worry about it being washed away with food or drink. Before I fell asleep last night, my nose started running and I started coughing. When I woke up this morning, I had reflux, a double ear ache, and laryngitis. My throat hurts whenever I swallow. I've been feeling a bit feverish, but I'm hoping that I don't once again develop a full blown fever. I don't think I will since this dose was much smaller and my symptoms have been less severe, but maybe I should be a bit more conservative next time. 

I'm going to cut the dose in half again and press on. This is a good indication that what I am doing is effective. I just need the symptoms to be a little milder so I can do all the things that I need to do without constantly feeling sick. 

It's actually kind of nice, in a weird way, to have a milder version of the "flu" die off reaction that I had last week. I was sure while I was experiencing it that it was die off. But the farther away I got from it the more I began to second guess myself. Maybe my symptoms were just a random illness? Maybe it had nothing to do with my probiotic? Maybe I coincidentally suffered from a fever inducing infection, severe reflux, and an entire mouth tooth ache all at the same time? But this second illness, also starting within an hour of taking my probiotic, reaffirms my previous suspicions. And just to think, these fever inducing pathogenic microbes are hanging out in my body ready to multiply unchecked since I have too many of the bad guys and not enough of the good guys. It's time to bring things back into balance. 

That time when I gave myself the flu from a probiotic capsule

Okay, so it wasn't actually the flu, as in influenza virus. But I've been experiencing flu like symptoms for 48 hours and generally feel like I was hit by a truck. 

It all started 2 days ago when I was reading about resolution of upper GI symptoms. I've had reflux since I was 10 years old and have had some dysphagia (food gets "stuck" in my esophagus, sometimes so badly that I have to throw up since it won't go into my stomach; I have even had two episodes in the last year where the spasming was so bad that it cut off my airway for several seconds) and regurgitation for almost that long. The GAPS information that I was reading suggested opening the probiotic capsule and sprinkling the powder onto the back of your tongue. This made sense to me! By swallowing capsules and sending them straight to my stomach, I was skipping healing a large and problematic portion of my GI tract. I decided to give it a shot!

I thought it would be most beneficial to do this right before bed so the microbes could work their magic and not be washed away while I was sleeping. I opened the capsule and dumped half into my mouth. It tasted a little funny, but seemed like a manageable nightly ritual. 

Dr. Dad and I sat down to watch a little TV before bed,and that's when I figured out that something was going terribly wrong. Within 30 minutes, my nose started draining uncontrollably. I also developed a sudden cough. I woke up several times throughout the night with a gunky throat that was making it more difficult to breathe. 

I powered through yesterday morning, with my cold symptoms gradually worsening. I also began to suffer from severe reflux. As the day progressed, my sinus pressure got bad enough to cause a headache, both of my ears hurt like they did when I last had an ear infection, I intermittently lost my voice, and all of my teeth began to ache (which I can say has never happened to me before). 

Last night my symptoms had gotten so bad that I had to end a moms night out that I was hosting. My reflux had gotten to the point that I thought I was going to vomit (which I did do a few times after my guests left). I also felt feverish. I laid in bed in agony for about an hour cursing myself for throwing out all the tums 2 days before because they were GAPS illegal. Thankfully, I finally remembered that I could drink a glass of baking soda water, and Dr. Dad was kind enough to mix one up for me at 11:30. I finally was able to find enough relief to go to sleep. 

I woke up this morning with my reflux nearly gone again. My sinus pressure had diminished. My teeth only ached a little, my joints ached a little more. Dr. Dad stayed home an extra 15 minutes this morning so he could watch the kids while I took an uninterrupted Epsom salt bath. I felt much better, but still had a low grade fever for much of the morning. 

As today has progressed, my runny nose has slowed, my fever has disappeared, my teeth and ears no longer hurt, and my joints feel better. I now feel like I have a head cold and a little reflux rather than the flu. 

I actually count this as good news (I probably wouldn't have said that last night while vomiting, however). In order to understand why, let's revisit die off. The theory is that my nagging health problems are caused by an imbalance of gut flora: I have too many pathogenic microbes and not enough beneficial microbes due to overuse of antibiotics, poor diet over the years, and a generally toxic environment. These pathogenic bugs secrete low levels of toxins at all times leading to low level symptoms. But when you do something to kill the pathogenic bugs, for example pouring 10 billion beneficial microbes directly onto your tongue, the pathogenic microbes release all of their toxins at once when they die leading to a much greater toxic load. This, unfortunately, means much more severe symptoms temporarily.  The toxins even have the power to induce fever. 

So why is this good news? All of the symptoms I developed in the past 48 hours point to pathogenic bug death and thereby a part of my body that needs its flora rebalanced. I had worsening of GI symptoms with reflux, regurgitation, and difficulty swallowing. I experienced inflammation of my nasal and respiratory passages. I developed a migraine. My cavity prone teeth ached. These are all areas that will likely improve as I progress in correcting my flora over the next couple of years. I also had a sore throat and ear pain, and if I can increase my beneficial flora in those areas I will be less likely to develop ear infections and step throat in the future. 

While it has been a miserable 2 days, I am encouraged by this experience. I will continue with my mouth powder probiotic, albeit at a much lower dose.  I will never view a probiotic as an innocuous little capsule ever again now that I've experienced the power of these little bugs. 

Sara and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

It appears we are going through another round of die off. I'm exhausted. I'm irritable. I've yelled at the kids today more than once. Grendel is hand flapping and in an overall worse mood than normal. The Hobbit just spent the last 30 minutes shrieking on my lap because she couldn't figure out how to fall asleep. So today is terrible. But I see changes and know that if we can stick with this the days will be less terrible and we will all be healthier. Unfortunately we will get worse before we get better, but the important thing is that we will get better. 

Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat, What are they feeding you?

I never realized how deep and insightful the lyrics to Smelly Cat are. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, either click here or go watch the entire Friends series now because it is really excellent. I'll wait for you to finish. Okay, done?


So Phoebe sings a silly song about a poor cat who is smelly because of his diet. I guess I always assumed that smelly cat was smelly because he was gassy because how else would your diet make you smelly?


Here's the crazy thing: my diet was making me smelly and I had no idea! I mean, I had an idea that I was smelly, of course, I just had no idea that it was from my food.


The smelly saga started a few years ago. I had read about how terrible antiperspirants containing aluminum are for you. Switching to an aluminum free variety seemed like such an easy thing to change! So I went out and bought a tube of Toms and happily applied it. As I went throughout my day, however, I became less happy with my choice as I began to sweat and give off a stench. I called off the whole experiment and went back to my terrible aluminum containing antiperspirant.


A couple of years later I was reading about natural deodorants again and read that it can take your body a couple of weeks to adjust to being off of antiperspirant. The aluminum in antiperspirant prevents you from sweating, but your body still feels the need to sweat and up regulates sweat production. So when you stop using the antiperspirant, you are producing more smelly sweat than you did before you started. I decided to try again.  However, after a couple of weeks my body had not yet down regulated the smelly sweat and my natural deodorant was doing almost nothing to deodorize me.

At this point I was committed to no longer regularly use aluminum containing antiperspirant. I had an emergency tube of it in the medicine cabinet for emergency stinky situations, but decided to use it only if the need was dire. So for the last several months I have kept a tube of natural deodorant in the medicine cabinet, in the guest bathroom, in my desk, and in my car.  I always had a tube nearby in case of deodorant failure.  Unfortunately, deodorant failure was occurring an unacceptable amount of the time, and even my nearby tubes were unable to bail me out of stinky situations.  In desperation, after reading a blog that suggested that you detox your pits to reset your body, I rubbed bentonite clay under my arms.  20 minutes later I washed it off, and guess what?  My pits still smelled. 


I was getting to the point of believing that I might just have to embrace my au natural scent for the rest of my life, until this past week when I cut out all sugars, even the natural ones in fruit, in an attempt to get my gut flora back into a healthy balance.  After going through a week of pretty significant die-off symptoms, I finally started recovering and returned to my recent baseline.  But one thing was different and was way better than baseline.  I completely forgot to apply deodorant and realized that I was magically odor free!  Since then, I have been obsessively smelling my arm pits (and sticking my arm pit into Dr. Dad's face and saying way too enthusiastically, "Smell my arm pit!"), and I am essentially stank free.


In a different part of the smelly spectrum, I have noticed that my breath tends to be nice and fresh pretty much all of the time, except when I consume my less than 1 tsp of honey daily.  Immediately after consuming honey I now have to go brush my teeth because my breath gets smelly in a hurry. 


This all makes so much scent!  (Okay, that joke stinks.  Haha!  I promise, I'm done now.)  My flora was messed up inside and out.  The abnormal flora in my gut was causing digestive and immune problems.  The abnormal flora on my skin was causing me to break out and was making my arm pits smell bad.  And the abnormal flora in my mouth was causing my breath to smell bad if I didn't brush after eating sugar. 


Smelly cat: you are a visionary.  I salute you.

GAPS Intro Day 5 Stages 1 and 2 Update

I have never seen two kids so happy to eat eggs as mine were this morning. Yesterday we were GI symptom free, so we decided to move forward from stage 1 of the intro diet to stage 2 (meaning we can have poached or soft boiled eggs on top of soup). The kids did great today: Grendel had no tummy aches, burping, or regurgitation. I, however, did not. As soon as I ate my eggs this morning, I could feel a fullness in the top of my stomach and into my throat. The best way I know to explain this, as it is not reflux but is a feeling I get that lets me know that reflux is coming, is that I have a reflux aura (like some people get auras before getting a migraine). I thought I had dodged a bullet when I made it through the entire morning asymptomatic, but then had reflux randomly in the afternoon. I had more eggs at dinner and had reflux again after dinner. All that being said, I only had reflux for a total of 2 minutes today and it went away on its own. That's a major improvement. Unfortunately, it also means that I'm being bumped back to stage 1 for another day or two. 

We entered this diet with a motto of "no man left behind," and while no one will be progressing to stage 3 without me they've tasted the goodness of eggs and I won't shake their world again by forcing them to go back to stage 1 with me. I do enjoy soup and have been doing okay eating soup for every meal for several days, but there was something satisfying about eating off of a plate with a fork. 

As for Dr. Dad? Thankfully he has me to guide his way. Last night I caught him getting a glass of wine. I told him to put it away because wine is not allowed right now. He told me that it's liquid and that wine should be allowed on a liquid diet. 

Me: It's not a liquid diet. Am I feeding you broth alone or is there stuff in your soup. 

Dr. Dad: There are meat and vegetable chunks. 

Me: Are those liquid?

Dr. Dad: No.

Me: Why would you think that with everything that we've had to cut out that wine would be the one weird thing that's okay?

Dr. Dad: Because you didn't specifically tell me that I couldn't have it. 

😶

The light at the end of the tunnel

I feel fantastic today. I think I am finally, a week and a half in, at the tail end of die off. I am no longer anxious or fatigued. I woke up this morning from 6.5 hours of interrupted sleep and felt amazingly ready to face the day. I am not on edge with the kids like I have been since cutting fruit (which had been the only remaining significant sugar source in my diet). I haven't yelled or even snarled at my kids through gritted teeth (which I unfortunately did almost daily last week). I've wanted to raise my kids gently, following the advice in Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, but often failed to do so because I always felt like I was ready to explode. But now? I'm even keel and feel peaceful. I don't have to try to be a peaceful parent because now it is coming naturally. What a great unexpected outcome of dietary change!!!

As for the kids, Grendel and the Hobbit played with each other with only a normal level of sibling fighting this morning. We didn't have as many random crying jags, and Grendel accepted my requests with a wimper or a whine rather than a full blown tantrum. Thank goodness, because Dr. Dad went back to work today and I don't think I could have handled these hooligans if we were still in the same emotional state as we were yesterday. The kids are still a little trigger happy with their meltdowns, but I can tell it's receding and we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. 

You know what else is receding? My hair. Check out this picture.

Okay, so it's not receding, but I just discovered that I developed a bald spot. Thankfully it is well hidden. I have a doctor appointment scheduled for next week to figure out the root cause, but my two leading theories are alopecia, an autoimmune hair loss disease triggered generally by stress (I already have one autoimmune disease, so a second wouldn't be surprising), or hypothyroidism which I've been wondering about for a while. Either way, GAPS should help bring my hormones back into balance and get my immune system to calm down. At least I'm  really hoping so, as I've grown rather attached to my hair. 

Then I saw her rash. Now I'm a believer!

I can't get the Monkees song I'm a Believer out of my head today. It pops into my head whenever one of my family members starts showing a new die off symptom. To be honest, we didn't really talk much about alternative dietary interventions when I went to school for medical dietetics (if my professors are reading this and we did, in fact, discuss them, sorry for daydreaming during class!).  We spent most of our time discussing medical nutrition therapy for things like diabetes, kidney disease, lung disease, heart disease, obesity, tube feeding...the list goes on and on.  Because they weren't covered in my education, whenever I would hear about one of these "trendy" diets, like the flat belly diet, the blood type diet, or the anti candida diet, I would scoff and dismiss whatever was being said. I would tell myself that these were being disseminated by self-proclaimed nutritionists and that actual dietitians wouldn't be fooled by such hooey (note: some of them are hooey, so don't believe everything you read). Then I got knocked off of my high horse.


But before we get to my great equestrian fall, I should probably answer a question.  What exactly is die off? The central tenet of GAPS and the anti candida diet are that your beneficial microbes (yeast and bacteria) are killed (through antibiotic use and our toxic lifestyles), pathogenic microbes multiply to fill in their place, and the pathogenic microbes wreak havoc on your health. So in doing either GAPS or anti candida, your goal is to kill the pathogenic microbes and to consume probiotics with beneficial microbes, so the beneficial microbes can fill in the places left by the dead pathogenic microbes and can keep the pathogenic ones from growing back. Basically, kill bad bugs. Eat good bugs.


Although, it's not quite that simple (is it ever?). How do overgrowths of pathogenic microbes in your flora make you sick? Pathogenic bacteria and yeast mainly harm you through secreting toxins. These toxins kill your cells and activate your immune system. Immune system activation is great if some of these pathogens get past your physical barriers and end up inside of your body because you want the immune cells to attack and destroy the invaders. The feeling of being sick is from a combination of the pathogenic toxins and the immune cell action that is taking place to destroy the microbes. But if you constantly have toxins leaking through a damaged gut wall (damaged by the very same pathogenic microbial toxins), then your immune system will constantly be activated, and you will constantly be symptomatic.  Often these symptoms are at a low enough level that they don't ever bother the sufferer enough to do anything about them.  Or, like most people, you have no idea why you feel crummy all the time.  Further, if you feel crummy all the time, you have no idea that you feel crummy because it becomes your new normal.  You don't want the pathogenic microbes in your gut in disproportionately high levels, but what happens when you start actively trying to kill them?  Unfortunately, it's a whole host of awful symptoms known as die off.  When you kill the pathogens, they release all of their toxins.  This means that those low-level crummy-feeling symptoms that weren't really bothering you too much are now going to come at you with a vengeance. 


That brings us back to today.  I am experiencing die off.  Dr. Dad is experiencing die off.  The Hobbit is experiencing die off.  And Grendel definitely is experiencing die off.  And therefore, I'm a believer.  This whole experience is kind of horrible and is giving me flashbacks to last summer when Grendel went through gluten withdrawal.  Now that we are experiencing die off, the exact same toxins that were released into our bodies at low levels resulting in crummy feelings are now being released at much greater levels making us feel extra super crummy.  How is this playing out?  Essentially, we are getting worse before we can get better.  I feel anxious and am suffering from reflux that had largely subsided.  My psoriasis is awful and my face, which had been relatively clear for the past couple of months, broke out last week (my die off symptoms began before everyone else's because I wanted to try out the fruit and honey free portion of this diet before subjecting the rest of my family to it).  Dr. Dad is just kind of fatigued (lucky duck).  Unfortunately, the kids seem to be getting hit the hardest. The Hobbit is irritable to a level that she hasn't been since before we started Full GAPS (a few weeks ago).  The last time she acted like this was when she was suffering from a perforated eardrum and took antibiotics to get rid of the ear infection.  Once the ear pain was gone I expected her to go back to being her normal self, but she was still acting like a crazy child - I think that the starch and remaining sugars in her diet combined with antibiotics throwing her system even farther out of whack were too much for her little body to cope with.  As soon as we started GAPS she was a new calm and focused child.  But, alas, now we are back to the crazy, mal-adaptive child who doesn't sleep.  Oh, and she has developed a rash on her arm and leg. 

Blurry picture brought to you by: a squirming, uncooperative toddler

As for Grendel, she is throwing tantrums or crying uncontrollably for somewhere between 3 and 4 hours a day.  She's a real gem to be around this holiday weekend. 

I go back and forth between feeling really bad for her (I mean, look at that face!) and getting really super irritated because I'm only human.

One of the most pronounced symptoms that has returned is her hand flapping.

It's hard to tell from a still photo, but this is her hand flapping.




She hasn't done hand flapping since we removed gluten from her diet.  At that time, many of her autistic symptoms diminished (this is why, even though she scored "probable autism" on her autism screening questionnaire, the psychologist did not diagnose her as autistic).  She has also started to regurgitate again. 


Unfortunately, we can't move forward in the GAPS Introductory diet from stage 1 to stage 2 until her regurgitation and my reflux resolve as GI symptom resolution is a great way to determine when your gut has healed enough to handle foods that are more difficult to digest.  I am hopeful that this happens soon because I'm getting tired of soup, and the kids have let me know, in no uncertain terms, that they also are tired of soup.


In the meantime, there will probably be a little extra screen time in our lives.  You gotta do what you gotta do.

Thank you Wyatt, and the super readers, for giving this mommy a break today.

GAPS Intro Day 1

We did it! We took the plunge! I've been thinking about and analyzing the pros and the cons of GAPS since November. But every time I seriously thought about such a significant alteration in the lives of each and every one of our family members I had this internal dialogue: But it seems so hard! What do you mean I can only eat soup and sauerkraut juice! I can barely get my kids to eat vegetables let alone sour vegetables. And what will we do for snacks? Or at parties? Or while traveling? Where will we go out to eat?

And after coming up with all of these reasons why it was a bad idea (notice none of the reasons have anything to do with health!), I would talk myself out of it and we would choose to make a less extreme dietary change. The first change was that we went from being gluten, casein, soy-free vegetarians to eating meat. We were feeling better, but we're still having many of the same health problems we suffered from before. Next, we went paleo using the thought process that if gluten was problematic then maybe all grains were (they all have similar proteins), and the same for soy and legumes. And boy, did we feel great! Many of our health problems disappeared...for a while. But paleo was just a band aid. It wasn't going to fix the problem. And then, a few weeks ago, I got fed up with all of the health problems, and impulsively, in the course of one morning, put us on the full GAPS diet. And it really helped, so much! But even with that, Grendel's GI symptoms were still making her miserable. So on Wednesday I took away fruit in preparation for today when we started the GAPS Intro diet (which is stricter than full GAPS but only lasts 4-6 weeks, providing gut rest and healing). 

How's it going? It, of course, is too early to see any improvements. The kids both seem to be miserable wrecks as their pathogenic bacteria are dying off and releasing toxins into their bodies (die off started when I took fruit out of their diets, but seems to have hit a new level today). In die off, whatever your specific symptoms are, they tend to get worse before they get better. The kids are irritable, Grendel has been hand flapping and randomly having complete meltdowns, and the Hobbit is having a lot of trouble, as her therapists call it, self regulating (which is just a fancy way to say that she is not adaptable and needs my help almost constantly to calm down about one thing or another). I've been holding her screaming for the past 30 minutes because she is tired and can't figure out how to fall asleep. Grendel is playing quietly in her room for quiet time, but is extremely anxious. And this will probably last for a few days to a few weeks. But ultimately, it's for the greater good. Going gluten free was followed by 5 weeks of gluten withdrawal in Grendel, which was miserable and made her act more Grendel-like, but so beneficial in the end. 

The moral of this story is that I'm glad I started this on a day when Dr. Dad is at home so we can divide and conquer. Or at least split up the kids and survive. 

I might have to sock them in the face

I know it's not a big deal. I'm sure that it is meant as a compliment. I know that they are only seeing a moment in my life and have only that information to make a snap judgement about what my entire life must be like. But if I hear one more person say, "Your child is such a healthy eater! I wish my kids would eat healthy foods like that!" then I think I might have to sock them in the face. 

The most recent example of this was when I was grocery shopping last Wednesday. That morning Grendel woke up looking sicker than she had been in a long time. She spent 2 hours laying on the floor or the couch hugging herself because her tummy hurt.  I have spent over a year slowly removing foods from her diet in an attempt to heal her tummy and her mind, and we have definitely been moving in the right direction. I haven't jumped into removing any food without carefully considering the pros and cons because I wanted her to have as varied a diet as possible and to feel like she fit in around other kids. Plus, as her safe food list has gotten smaller, cooking for her has become increasingly complex and time consuming. Each time I remove a food or group of foods from her diet, we face a few days of tantrums about wanting to eat that food, understandably. Which is exactly how I ended up in the grocery store on Wednesday morning. 

After Grendel woke up with a tummy ache, I realized that I needed to remove a group of foods that I had been dreading: fruits. The kids eat fruit every morning and as snacks throughout the day. Grendel can't eat the crackers or yogurts at snack time at school, so I send her with a dried fruit and seed trail mix. Fruit was our last easy school-approved snack (we eat a lot of almond butter around our house, but all child friendly activities outside of our home are nut free). It was the last easy toss it in the diaper bag as we run out the door item. It was the last safe snack the kids could eat at play dates and parties. Plus, it's fruit! Fruit is so nutritious. How could it be harming my kids?

I knew that we were planning to start the introductory phase of the GAPS diet this weekend, in which you temporarily can't eat fruit, so I figured I would start the fruit restriction a few days early to ease into things and hopefully see a resolution of belly pain. But as soon as I told Grendel and the Hobbit that we would not be able to have fruit for breakfast, the crying and the tantrums started. When Grendel found out she couldn't bring her favorite fruit and seed mix to school things escalated. I hadn't planned on the kids going fruit free and was ill prepared, so I packed Grendel a jar of guacamole for her school snack (ordinarily the idea of eating guacamole by the spoonful would thrill her, but instead it infuriated her because it was far inferior to her beloved trail mix). I finally managed to get both tantrumming kids out the door, into the car, and off to school, albeit 15 minutes late. 

I left a grumpy Grendel with her teacher and brought the hobbit, who had been on a hunger strike throughout all of breakfast, to the grocery store with me so I could find acceptable snacks for the kids. I started in produce so I could buy guacamole ingredients, in case Grendel decided during school that it had, once again, become desirable and might want more later in the day (spoiler alert: it didn't). While I was picking out some Roma tomatoes, Hobbit started grunting and bouncing up and down in her cart seat. I noticed she was pointing at a carton of cherry tomatoes. They were organic, and since hobbits go into starvation mode rather quickly after missing one meal, I popped the carton open and let her snack on them in the store. She had several grandparent-types gushing over the "cute little girl eating the cherry tomatoes as a snack." We managed to get all of the groceries into the cart without any further tantrums and were on our way to the checkout, when...

Stranger, a woman about my age: What's she eating?

Me: Cherry tomatoes. 

Stranger: Oh, I wish my kids would eat healthy snacks like that! You're so lucky!

Okay, full disclosure: I can't recall if she actually said "you're so lucky" at the tail end of her comment or if my brain has inserted it for the re-telling, but it was definitely implied. And I thought, I'm so NOT lucky! I spent 2 hours this morning with my sick child trying to explain to her why she can't eat fruit, one of her favorite things. The doctors can't figure out what's wrong. She and her sister both do hours of therapy each week to be able to cope with things that other kids their age don't even have to think about: chewing, walking on grass, going to semi-loud places, dealing with disproportionate fears and anxiety. I spend at least 3-4 hours in the kitchen every day because there are virtually no prepackaged foods that my kids can eat. That bone broth and those fermented foods aren't going to make themselves! Plus, I've had to convince a 4 year old and a 1 year old that our food is just as good as the food that they see their friends eating. I have jumped through hoops this year ensuring that Grendel was able to eat a cupcake at every class birthday party this year. Do you know how hard it is to make cupcakes with no sugar, flour, or butter?!?!?! And Grendel hasn't always eaten this way! My background is dietetics, so I did my best to feed her a healthy diet, but I certainly fed her many of the toddler-friendly foods that her peers ate. Before we had to remove gluten and dairy from her diet her favorite foods were mac and cheese, ice cream, cookies, goldfish crackers, cheese sticks, gogurts, and cake. She also wouldn't touch anything green and dinner was always a battle of the wills. But through hours of research, cooking, tantrums, self-doubt, and cleaning up uneaten food, she has become more adventurous. She has adapted. I'm very proud of how she has accepted this nutrition plan much better than most adults would have. As for he Hobbit? Well, she's kind of just along for the ride. I think all of these dietary changes are necessary for and beneficial to her as she seems to be following right along in her big sister's steps with regards to her health, but she never learned the joy that is Kraft mac and cheese so she doesn't know what she's missing. However, she does know that it is watermelon season and her precious has suddenly disappeared from the refrigerator. 

All this to say, I wasn't lucky in getting "good" eaters. (What is that anyway? Why place value words like good or bad on the way a little kid eats?) we have worked through blood, sweat, and tears to get to this point. I've earned a child who will eat cherry tomatoes from the carton. So please, don't compare my kids to yours. If you see us in the grocery store or at the park and you wonder about the seaweed my kids are eating you can say, "That is so great that they are eating such healthy foods!" or "Way to go, momma, thinking outside of the box with that snack!"

When someone makes the comparison between my adventurous eaters and their picky child, I usually just smile and say thank you. Or when I'm having a really hard day and the kids have already had a dozen tantrums because they just want a bloody piece of fruit and I have to tell them no, I might say, "Well, thank you, but they have multiple food restrictions so they have had to learn to eat this way. I guess it's a blessing and a curse that they react so badly to so many foods that they have kind of been forced to eat a healthy diet." But one of these days, and it may be tomorrow when I have to tell the kids no more nuts or seeds, only soup, for the next couple of weeks, I might just sock them in the face. 

Two steps forward, one step back

The family and I have been eating paleo for two months now. Honestly, I always thought that eating paleo was a little wackadoo and that there was no reason to cut "healthy whole grains" and legumes out of your diet. Additionally, I was VEGAN. That is just about as opposite of paleo as you can get.

But let's backtrack a bit. The other thing I always thought was wackadoo: non celiac gluten sensitivity. Then, SURPRISE! I was blessed with a child with non-celiac gluten sensitivity. Funny how things work like that and knock you off of your little prideful pedestal. We were just trucking along taking care of our 3 year old and our baby when, BAM! The 3 year old gets a tummy ache that doesn't go away for several months. In meeting with gastroenterologists, allergists, and neurodevelopmental pediatricians we didn't find anything overtly wrong...except for three little antibody tests that showed IgG sensitivities to casein (a protein in milk), gluten, and soy. So we cut out dairy. Grendel's tummy ache improved!!!! Then it came back. So we cut out gluten too. Her tummy ache improved, AND her insomnia disappeared!!!! Bonus! Then the tummy ache came back (but not the insomnia, thank goodness). Then we cut out soy. Her tummy ache improved. Then it came back. 

So what did all of this tell us? We kept on taking two steps forward and one step back because, yes, these foods were bothering her. But there were still other foods that she was consuming that were bothering her. She would find temporary relief because we were eliminating a problem. But then the other problem foods would fill in and take the place of the eliminated food causing symptoms to return. 

Side note: of course, this isn't an exact science, especially when you are trying on a 3 or 4 year old to accurately report symptoms. But in watching the trends of her health complaints, we noticed that she would bring up the symptoms less and less, then more and more until we were nearly back at baseline. We usually wait for her to complain about something bothering her, we almost never ask about a specific symptom. If she brings it up we know it is bothering her enough to mention it. But if you ask a 4 year old, "Do you still have a tummy ache?" they will usually answer, "Yes, and I think I might be getting a little cold too. And my neck hurts." Pretty much she will copy whatever pain or illness symptoms that any family member us complained of in the previous week. 

Back on topic: so we knew that dairy, gluten, and soy were causing her problems. I took the next big leap and thought, "All grains have similar proteins to one another. If gluten is bothering her, maybe gluten-like proteins in other grains are also bothering her. Also, if soy is bothering her, maybe she has trouble with all legumes." When you factor all of that together - no dairy, grains, or legumes - you get the paleo diet. 

So that is how this recent vegan made the leap and decided to put her entire family on the paleo diet. 

My findings: Grendel has improved DRASTICALLY!!!! Not only did we see her tummy ache go away after a couple of weeks, but about 2 weeks after going paleo her anxiety diminished greatly. She started going into school, dance class, and Sunday school no problem (all of these activities had been riddled with anxiety filled land mines before this). If it weren't for the fact that I went paleo at the same time I might have assumed that she just matured and was better able to handle separating from me. However, I noticed that MY anxiety nearly disappeared as well, and I really doubt that my reduction in anxiety, after struggling with anxiety for well over a decade, went away because I met a new developmental milestone. So I feel comfortable crediting this drastic change in her psychology to the food that we are eating, or more accurately not eating. Recently, Grendel has also almost completely stopped regurgitating. This was one of her top concerning GI symptoms that appeared shortly after she turned 2. She had been regurgitating dozens of times a day for over half of her life. It took almost 2 months of eating a paleo diet for this symptom to diminish, but it seems to be a solid sign of improvement. 

In addition to the improved health of our child, Dr. Dad and I noticed that our acne disappeared. Say what?!?!?! 😮 That was an unanticipated, and very nice, bonus. We had both had terrible acne since puberty, and no amounts of serums, salves, or potions would make it go away. I guess that makes sense though as no amount of surface products can fix what is going on below the skin. We had to get to the root of the problems. Our proinflammatory diets were not only making us sick, but they were making us break out. 

And so they lived happily ever after...

...if only the story were this simple. But it appears that once again we have taken two steps forward and one step back. Many of the symptoms that disappeared completely in Grendel, Dr, Dad, and myself have returned. Albeit, they returned at a much milder level than before. But it is a good reminder that we still have quite a bit of work to do to bring about healing. 

Our next step? I'm planning to put the whole family on the GAPS diet. While we have removed the foods that were causing problems, now we must heal the underlying damage. 

The Hangry Hobbit

It has been a busy few months, as evidenced by my radio silence.  Grendel continues to have many of her same tummy problems.  Her endoscopy and upper GI series were negative, so now we are seeking out second opinions in an effort to pinpoint what is leading to her tummy aches and regurgitation. 




The Hobbit has been keeping us on our toes.  We had her annual review for early intervention a few months ago.  She was being discharged from physical therapy for torticollis.  I fully expected to shake hands and part ways with the therapists, but apparently the Hobbit qualified for not one, but TWO types of therapy.  She had a speech delay (I didn't realize you could identify that in a 14 month old, but apparently you can), and scored extremely low in adaptability.  What does adaptability measure, exactly?  It is the grumpy score.  She scored clinically grumpy to the point that the state is paying an occupational therapist to come in once a week to help her be less grumpy.  I wish I would have known you could receive therapy for baby grumpiness when Grendel was younger, but I digress.




As it turns out, Hobbit's grumpy score was so bad due to her sensory processing disorder.  For example, Hobbit had a ton of trouble self regulating when going to sleep.  I personally will not let my kids cry it out.  I will hold them, comfort them, and rock them as they drift peacefully into dream land.  But that's not what was happening.  I would rock her and she would scream.  Aren't they supposed to stop screaming when you are holding them?!?!?!  I reached out on a sensory processing disorder support group board on Facebook and explained my predicament.  Several suggested NOT rocking her.  They said that it might be agitating her.  So I stopped rocking her.  She stopped screaming.  Amazing! Who would have thought to NOT rock an upset baby?  She has been receiving occupational therapy now for about 2 or 3 months to help us develop strategies to overcome other areas of grumpiness.


I was going over Hobbit's goals with the OT on Tuesday in preparation of the quarterly review, and I expressed my concerns about Hobbit's diet.  You see, Hobbit wants to eat all the time (she is a Hobbit, after all), but all she wants is milk.  She is constantly signing to breastfeed.  But when I try to offer her real food, she might take a bite or two, and then she gives up.  She is essentially surviving on milk and air.  The OT asked me what Hobbit eats: berries, melon, banana, hummus, beans, sweet potatoes, peanut butter.  All soft foods.  She refuses all grains and meat (btw: we are no longer vegetarians, but that is a post for another day).  She will eat things like Lara Bars and veggie chips, but she breaks crumbs off with her fingers and eats them one crumb at a time.  The other way she eats harder foods (like chips) is that she will break a small piece off with her front teeth and let it dissolve in her mouth.  But all kids are weird about eating.  They are all finicky and her diet didn't seem THAT weird to me.  It just seemed to me that she wasn't eating enough.


The OT observed the Hobbit eating, and, drumroll please, she doesn't  really chew.  She tentatively opens and closes her teeth, but she never completes a chewing motion.  She also doesn't use her molars to eat.  She will tear off little pieces with her front teeth and continue to hold the food toward the front of her mouth until she is ready to swallow.  She is also really weird about teething management (she won't put any teething toys in her mouth), and she is awful about letting us brush her teeth.


The OT recommended that we increase the frequency of her sessions to work with Hobbit regarding sensory sensitivities and muscle weakness.  Since we have a running theory now as to why Hobbit is such a fussy eater, I started feeding her large amounts of pouches.  She slurps them down quickly like she is eating her last meal.  Today I stepped up my game and ran an entire taco through a food mill...and Hobbit ate almost all of the disgusting looking mess.  Today she ate more than she has ever eaten in a single day.  She ate so much she had little interest in milk.


So this new eating challenge will take a lot of work to correct.  It will be frustrating.  But it has already answered several questions.  What is causing her speech delay (for the most part, she can only say Ma and Da)?  Since she hasn't developed the muscles in her mouth through chewing, she doesn't have the strength and dexterity to speak.  Why was Hobbit so grumpy? Well, there are many reasons, but one major reason is that she was hangry (hunger that causes anger) all the time.  It makes so much sense.  If I couldn't chew I would probably be pretty mad myself.